“Lord, you have to change my situation or change my heart. But please, change my situation,” was my prayer as I struggled with feelings of anger and abandonment.
I want growth without growing pains.
I want fruit without the darkness of being planted.
I want revelation without intimacy.
I want wine without crushing.
I want my situation to change. God wants my heart to change.
I want a quick fix. God is in the process.
So we are at odds, God and I.
I’m standing with my arms folded, angry, waiting for God to exact my idea of justice.
God is standing, arms open, smiling, inviting me into His Plan.
I’m fighting for my right to be right.
He is reminding me, He sent His Son so I would have a right to be righteous.
I want this situation to die.
God wants to heal my heart and resurrect my situation.
So who is going to win this battle of the wills? Me or God?
I know what you are thinking. God is all-powerful. I’m not. But He gave me free-will. So I get to choose.
But in the end, God has the game rigged. If I win this battle of wills, I ultimately loose. His thoughts are higher. His ways are better. I want the temporary pain alleviated. God wants me to walk in my destiny.
So ultimately I acquiesce. I unfold my arms, run into His, and allow Him to do His work in my heart.
And as He hugs me like only a Father can, He whispers in my ear, “My grace is sufficient, Baby Girl. I work best in your weakness. Trust me. This too will work together for your good.”
I release my anger, my fears, my anxiousness as I weep in His arms. I receive His love and His grace. I find rest in His arms.
“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT